November 30, 2017 | Jon Mostad
Never ask for apology.
In the coming week no 49, my Instagram posts will reflect on apology. I do the reflections through quotes and captions, linked to illustrative images. Feel free to follow me on https://www.instagram.com/mostadjon/.
I met the statement "never ask for apology », from an late Indian guru. When I met the statement , it felt completely wrong. All I was told, pointed to the opposite. I always apologize. Now I should finish?
How could such a statement be understood and possibly defended?
My curiosity was awakened. I had to get to know the guru's world of imagination. Therefore, I started looking at myself. When I ask for apology, what do I apologizing for? What does the situation looks like? Who am I apologizing? Whom do I apologize towards?
An interesting picture began to figure, and I started declining my apologies.
I discovered I always apologized for situations where errors and omissions are highlighted. I take responsibility without asking myself if the responsibility for the situations was mine, alone.
I discovered I took responsibility for situations common to others. I noticed that I always apologized for what others perceive as missing from me as a person, and by action patterns that are automated in me.
I discovered that I always apologized because I was afraid. I feared criticism and rejection. I found that I took responsibility for being the one who is wrong and inadequate.
I discovered that I apologized to whom I felt dominated by.
You will probably say - "How could this last?" This could not hold on. The whole concept of apology is based on fear. I had to break the circle of fear. A long way for me to go. I had to understand the inhabitory loops within me, the game, my own needs and feelings, and not least, I had to dare to meet what I feared most of all - rejection.
Today I rarely ask for apology. I ask for apology only as a means of stabilizing a situation that contains weak confidence in relationship. . In situations where relationships are safe, no apologies are required. Those who are established in themselves and therefore do not have to control the other, need no apology.
You who are close to me, know who I am. You are confident in our relationship and do not look wrong, because errors do not exist.
Everything is as it should, and peace follows.