«On troubled days I glance into the Milky Way and think - «I’ll find my way home»» (@mostadjon)
Sometimes when I stay in a larger city I can feel very lonely, yes actually spoken abandoned. In spite of all the people I know are out there and all the honking running cars I can hear, I feel abandoned. People will probably nod recognizing and smile a little? This is neither unnatural nor anything to blog about, but I choose to use the feeling as an illustration of the week's reflection. When this feeling of being abandoned comes upon me, I have learned a method in which I can dissolve the feeling - I dress and walk in the streets when they’re emptied. Why seek out more experience of being abandoned when this feeling already characterizes me? I'll try to give you an answer.
Welcome to my blog. Every Friday at 7 PM (CET) I post a text that is elaborated with daily Quotes / Captions on my Instagram profile @mostadjon. I write about new self-knowledge and expanded awareness. The future of people occupy me and I seek a greater understanding of what it means to be human on planet Earth. In this text I want to make some thoughts about the feeling of being abandoned - and maybe I'm not alone?
The night and the city
In adulthood, I have understood where my experiences and feelings of being abandoned come from. It comes from a period of being a child and in the years that followed. The experience of being abandoned and the feelings of despair comes to me also in adulthood. I have overcome my past and today I accommodate both the feelings and the despair, yet the pain is still there. In this text I do not dig into this periode of my life. You can find text in my blog where I write more thoroughly about it.
I write to you who know you abandoned and who may need help to get through the feeling.
When the memories of being abandoned and the desperate feelings cut through me, I have dared to seek out what it is about. I leave my room and seek the city's emptiness way into the night. There the streets open to me with their traffic lights, some few cars are driving but almost no people. I lift my gaze from the curb and leave my eyesight on the big buildings. I see wide entrance gates, beautiful window frames, ornaments and ceiling profiles. All in a gray-black scale and time-colored by flashing advertisements. Then it happens that makes my feeling of being abandoned dissolves. The buildings are beginning to live. They move, bow down to me and embrace me. It's as if the buildings understand that they have a respectful guest. I can walk down the street and get up, late at night but before dawn, and experience the slow movements of the buildings, their mutual passages and the care of me, "the little one," on the street. I'm not abandoned, I'm protected. Then I can return to my room and fall asleep knowing of belonging to "someone". This might be strange and not your way, but allow the story to be a spiritual illustration?
To be or not to be
Living buildings in conversation with each other and with empathy for an abandoned man in a public street late at night, sounds most like an adventure, right? Yes, in some ways I tell you an adventure, but for me the experiences are real. What I am telling you is my sensible sensations in a state where I do not use my physical senses from the everyday world. I tell you about experiences sensed with my spiritual senses in a spiritual dimension. This is where my real story begins.
Man is abandoned but at the same time not abandoned.
The endless journey
Once, man was an idea and the journey begin there. In order for the idea to manifest itself, it had to be abandoned. The idea had to be given the opportunity to charge itself into life. Being entrusted to itself and the conditions laid down in the idea when the journey began, Man was manifested over an infinity of time. As time in the universe does not exist, the evolution of man occurs in a time-space and evolution takes all time and no time. From a possible huge gas explosion via star dust, the idea of Man has traveled up to today, separated from the idea itself but holding on to everything that the idea consists of. The connection between idea and physical man can only be explained and understood narratively.
Explained in this way, Man is both abandoned and not abandoned.
From dust to dust
The idea sent me away, on an infinity of a journey, but never left me. For 15 billion years "back in time," I was called to invocation in a physical universe. Today I have come forward and in a blizzard of a life-time I will have a physical experience on a planet like Earth, performing my spiritual experiment and returning to the idea. The moment I incarnated on Earth, the evocation started; my journey home.
From star dust I came and from star dust I’ll return. I am abandoned but still not left.
The energy of the universe is constant. No loss of energy occurs in the universe. I experience this as a blessing.
I will always be energy though not in the form of a physical body. I belong to the idea and I am energy. I am abandoned but at the same time I belong to the whole, I am one part of the whole. How can I leave myself when I’m part of my self? ? How can you?
When I feel abandoned and in despair, I must remember to tell myself that this is an illusion created by a physical mind and a dominant ego. The desolation I know of is the separation from my Inherent I.
I’m desolated from the idea of myself.
From earth I shall resurrect
I have traveled from idea to star dust and shall return to the idea. Most mythical and religious explanations tell of the invocation and the evocation, with some different words but nevertheless with largely the same meaning content. It is in the city I can feel abandoned, never when I’m alone in nature. In itself, this observation could have been the subject of a text. It may come later. When I am alone in nature I can see the starry sky. I see the Polar Star, Big Bear, The Big Dipper, Orion's belt, etc. I look home. Looking into the starry sky, I see my own journey and I know I'm expected. I know where I come from, who I was before I came to Earth and what to return to.
I'm really not abandoned.