WHY I’M NOT GOOD AT EXPRESSING MY SELF

October 26, 2018 | Jon Mostad

In a series of texts I want to focus on being in relations to others and just how difficult this is. My motive is to illuminate how you can seek a spiritual development for your life in spite of skills you think you are missing. In the series, I choose to use myself as an example. By being personal, I may be do the reading close and true?

Last weeks text was devoted to the difficulties of being in relation to others and how I learned to live with the lack in trying to develop my spiritual life.

You can find my blog at www.jonmostad.com. Every Friday at PM 7 European time I post the text for the coming week. On Instagram, I share daily Quotes and Captions where the theme is elaborated - feel free to follow Instagram @mostadjon.

What is a relationship?

On one occasion, I should teach 40 female hairdressers in communication. Their wish was to talk their customers to good experiences. I was a university teacher at that time and proceeded systematically. At first, I thought I would clarify the term "relationship". There I stood - man in boots and leather jacket, in front of me 40 adventurous happy and inspired women! I started the explanation of how an electrical cord is a relationship between two electrical outlets on a wall. i addressed one of the listeners on the first bench saying "everything with relationships is difficult because relationships between people are invisible ... like between you and me, I can not see any relation ..." on which the clever woman responds shortly "- it's no wonder, you're not my type" Breaking Laughter!

I enjoy this story. She whipped me all the way and I deserved it for sure. She gave me a gift, a good story to tell on.

We are at least two about a relationship

Relationships are invisible and at the same time they are real. In a relationship between two or more, energy is transmitted. Words, performances and feelings are transported in a relationship. The likelihood that we understand each other's message is minimal and therefore also often goes wrong. For me, communication in relationships is particularly difficult as I learned in the beginning of my life that I could not trust in the relationship, it always led to rejection. This is my personal message in last week's blog.

By not being in relationship, I avoided the rejection and experience of being abandoned, but what did I lose?

Left to myself

Left to myself, at the age of 13, I chose to move on in my own life. Relationships that should cared about me, taught me what I could need and given me the necessary challenges to prepare for life, was lacking. Without support from relationships I felt trust and close to, I was left to myself. Still, I know life like that.

The solution was that I developed a dialogue with myself, taking responsibility for my own upbringing. In opposition to environments I could not trust, I had to find my way to an adult life. My challenges were that no one listened, no questions asked for my interests or into my loneliness. In such a sphere, almost "lost in space", the path was shown to me and helpers came. That part of the story follows later.

Why I'm not good at expressing my self?

In life without relationships you can trust, you will most likely be injured. I experienced such wounds and tried to the best of my ability to cope with it. One of my helpers was a shaman. She told me about loss of soul and soul retrieval,. My wounds got a figure and allowed the healing process to grow.

The consequence of standing in a life "empty" of relationships, was the loss of growing self-esteem. Who am I? What is my purpose? The solution was to build self-confidence. You may have a strong self-confidence while missing a working self-esteem. Psychologists can certainly explain this. The result was that I worked well "outwardly" but failed "inwardly". When it comes to situations where I had to to be clear "in myself and for myself", I lack skills. Combined with lack of trust in relationships, life became sad and difficult.

Today, I know life as complete and balanced, while I at the same time can see my scars and know my underlying wounds. I learned to protect myself with an approach that is not flawless, but functional. Today, I accept my self as is, I accommodate my mistakes and have chosen to proceed as the one I am. I also know that I can seek a spiritual life even though I'm incomplete.

My imperfectly I

If you read my text and mirror your self, lack trust in your relationships and find it difficult to express who you are, so know you are not alone. The spiritual discourse talks about being "whole," "pure," and about being "enlightened." Requirements and expectations for the "perfect" seem to be as dominant in the spiritual as in the material world. I just do not want to join that trip.

Spirituality is about opening up to a greater sense of mind than the 3D world we humans really see. The spiritual world is infinitely much larger and has infinite deeper layers. Obviously, you can achieve the highest form of enlightenment and become an avatar in your own life, despite the shortcomings you may have. If you get bigger than your wounds so that you heal the wounds and no longer are the wounds, the path is open for a spiritual life. The darkness must be dibanded, not dismissed.

Welcome to my world of imperfection, we are at least more than one.

Jon